Wednesday, March 17, 2010
I love this song ...
I love this song. Her voice is so pure and passionate ~ powerful.
Ever have one of those days when you aren't really sure what to believe ... is it real or are you only seeing what you want to see and using your blinders to block out the whole truth just so you don't have to deal with it? Today has been one of those days for me ... just for a little bit, I'm choosing to believe only what I want to believe ~ I don't want to think about the "whole truth & reality" ~ not right now. Today ... for a while... I'm pretending that everything is just the way I want it to be!
Maybe I am “mad as the proverbial hatter” ~ grasping for the unknown, while what’s in front of me is slowly, but surely, disappearing before my eyes … I don’t know … but I do know that I never take anything, or anyone, for granted in life but if I stop and settle just because it’s available and give up on what my heart knows is real, I’ve already lost … the mind can be manipulated but the heart cannot.
I have always prided myself on being independent, self-sufficient and for making my own choices in life, but sometimes I let other people make the choices for me because, for whatever reason, I don't do it myself. Fear? Maybe. Uncertainty? Maybe. It's ironic how I can "know" something, acknowledge it, accept it, and yet still think it isn't "really" an issue. "Not IF" ... "WHEN" ~ that's what my BFF is forever reminding me. Sometimes, I don't want to be reminded; it's easier to forget ~ well, not really forget, but chose not to remember. LOL!
My daughter is 14. She got her braces off today and she is absolutely gorgeous! I remember being 14 ~ 8th grade ~ and completely smitten for the first time in my young life with a boy in high school! Good times! Fun ... Carefree ... HAPPY! I was THE ONLY GIRL for him and he was THE ONLY GUY for me! LOL! Young love ~ pure and true.
As a single MOM, it's scary ... but she's a good kid and we have an open relationship ... having said that, she is still a 14 year old teenage girl and they don't really have a brain! LOL! Teenage boys are worse! AAAAHHHHH!
I am a 42 year old woman living in my own "alternate" reality because I don't want to see the "when, not if" of my own life and circumstances and relationships ... how wonderful it would be to have the innocence and hope of a 14 year old again! Life - minus the hurt of all the experiences that have made it wonderful and sad and REAL!
What I have lost in years, I have gained in passion and gratitude ~ and I learned that, sometimes, choosing to be deaf, dumb, and blind isn't all that bad! Especially if it makes you feel special, important, beautiful, wanted... and happy, even for a minute...
As dear Scarlett would say "I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow.